This is just one of those moments where I feel trapped. I’m nervous about moving away from my family for 4 months and as my arrival date gets closer, I’m getting sicker. My mom thinks it’s because I’m nervous. Maybe she’s right, but I don’t know why I would be making myself ill over it.
Also, ugh. I’m having a really hard time not being selfish. I know you shouldn’t lead people on. I’m a flirt, I’m really working on that. But mostly, my jealousy is a problem that looms over every relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’m ready to trust anyone with me, hence my jealousy. I know I don’t need to date someone to be happy, and I 100% believe that. Look at kids, they’re like the happiest people in the world and they only have friends. And parents. It’s just really hard not to fall back into those familiar motions.
I’m really trusting God in this situation. I just want to be a good person, and I want to do things in His name for His plan. But I think I get too impatient and just act on spontaneous ideas instead. I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t do any more Florida packing if my life depended on it, and I’ve just been sitting around sick for a couple days so I’m antsy. That’s what this is. SorryI’mNotSorry.